To lead with heart, with compassion and care, commitment and accountability, you have to begin with yourself. That, in truth, is the area I, personally, find to be the most challenging. I can be understanding and encouraging to my team, my peers, my colleagues and those we serve, but I don’t necessarily extend that to myself.
I know that I am not alone in this, that many people in leadership positions are self-critical with expectations that are set very high. We want to be perfect, even as we allow others imperfections, despite knowing that perfection is not always achievable.
Rationally, we all know that things go wrong, that there are factors we cannot control or that were, inadvertently, missed. Yet it doesn’t stop us from feeling a sense of failure, from holding on to those less-than-ideal outcomes and repeatedly revisiting them in our thoughts.
It’s easy to tell ourselves “no negative self talk” and to “let it go” but that is easier said than done. When the tapes start playing in your mind, especially at 2 a.m., it is hard to push it away.
One of the tools that we can use is to build a mental tape of things that have gone well, accomplishments, positive comments, recognition and the like. Because I work with older adults, I try to think about those good stories that I tell, the wonderful feedback from people about healing and caring and hope. I think about staff that I have had the opportunity to help grow and their joy as they progress in their careers. I work to visualize those moments of light to drive away the darkness of frustration and anger.
Does it always work? It doesn’t. But the more that you make the effort, the more likely it is that you can make it work. Take the negative thoughts and visualize pushing them out of your head. Imagine your hands shoving them far away from you. And in the space that is created, focus on the good you do and the good you have done, focus on growth and being kind to yourself.
Leading with heart means not just extending yourself to others, it means extending yourself to yourself.
Leading with Head and Heart 