Tuning In

How often do we take part in a conversation, in a meeting, at a conference session and spend most of our time thinking about what we are going to say next, rather than listening to what is being said? We do it in our personal lives and we definitely do it in our work lives.

We are accustomed to trying to process information quickly and move on, that’s part of it. And we are, for better or worse, focused on trying to be the problem solver or even the hero. We are the little kid in a classroom, hand up and practically jumping out of our seat with excitement. “I know,” exclaims that enthusiastic child and we do the same, with slightly more self control, as adults.

While we are preparing our response, our wheels turning with what to say next, we lose our ability to actually listen. We catch snatches of what is being said and we leap to our answer, more concerned about sharing our brilliance than at capturing all of the information

There is a part of this behavior that is human nature and a part that, as leaders, is learned. People are looking to us to come up with direction, to be the “all knowing” and we move, both consciously and unconsciously, into that role.

But if we choose to lead with heart, we have to re-learn how to listen. We have to focus our attention on what is being said and the person who is saying it. We have to let go of our desire to “jump” and respect both the person and their message. And, then, we have to ask any questions that are appropriate to get the full story. While it is a different approach to what we normally do, it takes no more time, and can yield significantly different, and improved, results.

It is not just the situation that stands to benefit, it is also the relationship with, and participation of, the team. Really listening not only teaches us something, it strengthens those who work with us, it builds their skills and it builds their feeling of being valued.

Leading with heart means being fully present and focused. It means learning to take a breath when we want to jump in, it means listening with all of your senses to develop not just the better outcome but a better, and more connected, team as well.